There are lots of cute Easter/Spring craft stuff out there. Hooray for bunnies and chicks and lambs and hamsters. Well done on you. My personal favorite Jesus-celebrating craft? Dying Easter Eggs. But rather than just show you how to dye easter eggs, I’m stepping it up a notch. That’s right, I went to MARTHA STEWART’S WEBSITE.

WHAT UP.

But then I added a twist. Because I can. And because I refuse to actually do an untampered Martha Stewart craft on here. So I took her craft and made it into a monster. Literally.

What You Need for Monster Confetti Eggs:

Raw Eggs

Scissors

Bowls

Food Coloring

Vinegar

Pipe Cleaners

"Egg hair"

Mouth Stickers

Glue

OR:

The PAAS Mini Monster Egg Dying Kit

What You Need for Confetti Cupcakes:

Confetti Cake Mix

Whatever The Back of the Box Tells You

RAINBOW CHIP Frosting

Stuff to Cook it In

What you Need for Confetti Punch:

White Rum

Dry sparkling wine

Liter Lemonade

White Grape juice

Orange Juice

Strawberries

Disclaimers!

So there’s a whole story about confetti eggs. Something about them starting in Italy during the Rennaissance period, bla bla bla, it’s a part of Mexican culture today and...you get to crack it on people’s heads and make wishes and confetti comes flying out! If you actually want to read about it, google it. This is craft time.

As far as the whole PAAS Mini Monster Egg Dying Kit goes…It’s like $2 and it comes with lots of fun stuff. So, unless you happen to have all the crap I listed above sitting around your house, go for the kit.

I’m not really going to explain to you how to make cupcakes because the directions are on the back of the box. And it’s really easy. And no, I did not screw them up when I made them, ugh leave me alone.

Get the Rainbow Chip frosting. I can NOT stress that enough. Not that other “sprinkle the confetti on the top later” bullshit frosting. That is gross. How dare you.

Get ready for a lot of Easter Jesus jokes. I apologize, mostly cuz they aren't funny.

Let’s make a craft that, for no apparent reason, has religious connotations!

1.) Using scissors, crack a hole at the larger base of the egg.

There's probably a far more appropriate way to do this.

2.) Drain the "innards" into what just-so-happens to be a mixing bowl for cupcakes! I'M EFFICIENT, BITCH.

Haha omg this picture is so gross. Like, the grossest. There's no reason for this picture either. Good job.

Take this, my blood, and turn it into cupcakes.Eesh, sorry. that was bad. — Take this, my blood, and turn it into cupcakes.
Eesh, sorry. that was bad.

4.) Put your color tablets into bowls or small cups and pour in the vinegar. Then leave them in for a nice long soooaaaaaaaaak. Actually, you can read the back of the box for this too. Either way it’s easy. And you should know how to dye eggs. Also, continue doing what the cupcake box tells you to make cupcakes. Your'e adults.

6.) Now let them dry. Which, just happens to coincide with…frosting the cupcakes! If you were following my non-existent directions, anyway.

7.) Once they're dried, stuff the confetti into the empty, soulless dyed egg.

Pipe cleaners are a much better tool for confetti stuffing compared to my pudgy, carnival hands.

8.) Martha Stewart says to glue a “lovely” piece of paper over the hole and “voila” you can send it to “people who are nice.” She actually didn’t say any of that. She did suggest to put tissue paper over the hole, though.

To which I say, LAME, MARTHA STEWART. THIS IS LAME. — To which I say, LAME, MARTHA STEWART. THIS IS LAME.

9.) But i meeaaaaan, why cover it with tissue paper when you can cover the hole with.....hair!?

10.) And then put crazy stickers and pipe cleaners and facial hair and whatever else to make….

Ok fine, here's all of them again. Just cuz I'm so proud.

11.) And here comes the fun part! (I know right, how could it get more fun??)

12.) Well it does. Because now you get to smash them! On...people's heads?

PARTII – Wait, There’s Somehow Still More Confetti References To Be Had?

AKA Drinky Drinky Time!!

What You Need For Confetti Punch:

700 ml White rum

1 1/2 Liters dry sparkling wine

1 Liter lemonade

70 cl White grape juice

50 cl Orange juice

10 Halved strawberries

1 Package raspberries

Some Oranges for good measure

So, just chill the ingredients separately for a minimum of two hours and then combine in a large punch bowl with ice! Ready, set, serve into wine glasses. Throw some raspberries and oranges for some extra ‘confetti sparkle’!

Well I have a rule that once a horribly attempted Humpty Dumpty has risen joke happens in a blog, it’s time to wrap it up. I hope you enjoyed this week’s Crafty Hour and that it brings you hours of friendship happiness.