Lots of things to celebrate this weekend. My mom’s birthday. Some friends' birthdays. And, of course, America's Birthday. AMERICA!

So let’s roll all that celebratin’ goodness together, shove it in a box, put tissue paper and duct tape on it and then bash it in with a stick! Or a dart gun! That's right, this Crafty Hour we're celebrating America birthdays the American way, by cutting corners and using cheap material for personal gain while drinking!

AMERICA!

What You Need for Cheap and Easy American Piñatas:

Cereal Box

Oatmeal Canister

Tissue Paper

Duct Tape

Glue

Scissors

Stuff to Put Inside Piñata

American Knowledge

What You Need For The Bomb Pop

Lemonade

Blue UV Vodka

Grenadine

Drinking Knowledge

Disclaimers!

I’m showing you two different types of piñatas. Although both are cheap and easy, one is less cheap and easy because I actually put some effort into it. The other…well my friends tried.

I understand piñatas are not American. And actually hail from Mexico. Probably? But…actually I’m not going to make a comment about America and something something, stealing from different cultures and pretending to own it, something. Or did I just do that? My bad.

I also actually don't think that America is cheap and easy. Nor do I think that the byproducts of the American manufacturing industry are known to be cheap and easy. But I didn’t have the chance to outsource any of this labor so, that’s the way this piñata is going down. Oh no she DIDN'T.

If you’re making an American Piñata, I fully expect you to fill it with awesome stuff. None of this dollar store candy bullshit. Corn dogs? Girl Scout Cookies? Fireworks? All better than dumb ass candy. All more American.

Let's Make American Piñatas Great Again!

1.) Swear to abide by one rule and one rule only. WHAT WOULD GEORGE WASHINGTON DO.

2.) Gather your materials.

Don't mind the hand soap, sunscreen and mason jars filled with various liquids in the back? — Don't mind the hand soap, sunscreen and mason jars filled with various liquids in the back?

3.) If you’re opting for the "Pre-Economy-Melt-Down-Made-In-America-Flag-Piñata" (aka the easier piñata), just use your red, white and blue duct tape to make the cereal box look like a flag. Or as close to a flag as you can muster.

Duct tape + cereal box = America's dream flag.

Really good at cutting tape stars. Now to make 50 of those. hahahaha. no.

4.) If that's all you feel like doing, scroll down to step 7 of the next piñata to fasten a loop strap thing. I didn’t feel like writing it twice. Sorry.

Part II - The Post-Economy-Melt-Down-Made-In-America-Dodge-Rebrand-Budweister-Piñata

AKA - The Pinata I Tried Harder On.

1.) Strip down the Oatmeal Canister.

2.) Cut your red tissue paper into 1/1 ½ inch strips wide by however big your canister is long. Then fringe them.

I'm hoping this picture makes more sense of the above step and also...don't smoke.

3.) Glue your red fringed paper onto your canister. But here’s the thing. START AT THE BOTTOM. No one really explains this, which is annoying.

So basically, don't do it this way. I don't know why I didn't take a picture of the right way.

4.) Once you figure that out, (to start gluing at the bottom) just keep gluing the red tissue paper to the sides. Keep the front part blank (because you're going to put white tissue paper on it).

Red completed! This honestly took me way too long to figure out.

5.) So now start putting your white (cut and fringed strips of) tissue paper on the middle. STARTING AT THE BOTTOM. Which I messed up..again.

Oh also, I used a paint brush to brush on glue. Should have told you that.

6.) For the label, I just…wrote it. But you could probably print something out or get an artist friend to draw something real fancy. If you want. Someone’s got to be the over-achiever, that is how the west was won.

7.) For the loop strap thing (so you can hang it in a tree), just poke two holes in the top:

This is Crafty Hour so, by "poke" I mean "stab" and by picture I mean a terrible, blurry mess.

8.) Put a knot on either end of a pipe cleaner. Or a rag. Or a rope. Whatever you want, guys. And then shove it through the holes. Done! Yay!

Yay! Makes sense right? Oh and look, there's that sad flag piñata again!

8.)Yessss, it’s time for the two best parts! Stuffin'...

A Budweiser can in a Budweiser piñata? META. And don't forget the jerky! NEVER FORGET THE JERKY.

9.) And smashin. Now, normal/lame people would have you merely hit the pinatas with a bat. But what did we tell you in the very beginning of this post? What rule do we follow? WHAT WOULD GEORGE WASHINGTON DO.

10.) If you do choose to be awesome and shoot your piñata, you may run into a problem. That problem being a leaky piñata because the beer inside has been riddled with BB guns and darts and is now slowly leaking out of the piñata. But that won't stop us!

Part III – America’s Second Favorite Pasttime. Probably.

AKA Drinky Drink Time!

What You Need For The Bomb Pop:

2oz. Blue UV Vodka

2oz. Grenadine

4oz. Lemonade

Willingness to Get Drunk Off of UV Vodka Like You Did in College.

Fill your extremely see-through glass with ice. Pour in your UV Vodka. Slowly pour in the lemonade. Slowly pour in the grenadine. Drink it with the carelessness of a kid eating a Bomb Pop Popsicle, or a sorority girl sipping on her Blue UV Vodka drink in her parents house while she’s home for the summer. And if you can find a way to hum “I’m Proud To Be An American”, whilst sipping, even better.

Well I have a rule that once evidence of blatant disregard of a past president enters a blog, it’s time to wrap it up. I hope you enjoyed this week’s Crafty Hour and that it brings you hours of friendship happiness.