I had this whole plan to go “craft blog” on you guys and show you how to make a bunch of different awesome gifts for the holidays. But then, well this blog is called “crafty hour, it’s HAPPY HOUR with crafts” for a reason so, you can figure out what happened. Oops. I do have two gift ideas for you, though. Ranging from 21+years to 21 months. So, don’t say I didn’t do anything for you.

The second bottle is empty just to make sure you're paying attention.

That baby gift I told you about, which is like a bonus gift for you MERRY CHRISTMAS.

What You’ll Need For Pepper Infused Vodka:

1 (750-ml) Middle-of-the road vodka

1 Fresh red jalapeno or red fresno pepper

-1 Fresh green jalapeno pepper

-1 Fresh serrano or green cayenne pepper

-2 Cloves garlic, peeled

-1 week of waiting time

What You’ll Need For Fruit Infused Vodka:

1 (750-ml) Middle-of-the road vodka

-1 Kiwi

-5-7 Strawberries

-5-7 Pineapple chunks

-48 hours of waiting time.

What You’ll Need To Make Them Look Pretty

Sealable jars of variable size

Labels

Markers (pretty much something to write with)

Twine

Paper

Tissue paper

Whatever else you want to decorate with (Sequins? Sequins.)

What You’ll Need For the Baby Present

Converse sneakers/sneakers of any kind

Bedazzling jewels

Glue

The ability to be a super cool aunt.

What You’ll Need for Holy Christmas Morning:

Your pepper infused vodka

Coffee liqueur

What You’ll Need for Mele Kalikimaka

Your fruit infused vodka

Tripe sec

Soda water

Disclaimers!

The amount of vodka and fruit or peppers you’ll use varies on how strong you want your infused vodka to turn out/how awkward you expect Christmas to be. TLDR - you’ll have to do some taste tests throughout the process. You may even have to make yourself a batch just to make sure it works. No one wants bad infused vodka, right?

Decorate however you see fit. I don’t really care.

I’m not showing you how to make the baby shoes because it’s easy. I’m merely showing you how easy it is to get out of paying $78 for a pair of BEDAZZLED converse shoes.

All the pictures are yellow. Think of them as antiques or jaundiced.

Part I - Forget cookies! Let’s let Mrs. Clause cook up the Christmas treat she really loves!

1.) Collect your materials

2.) Cut your ‘infusables’ up. Not a word. Cut up your peppers and fruit. Cut the peppers lengthwise with the stems intact. Now, one recipe didn’t say anything about taking the seeds out, but others did. The more peppers, the spicier your vodka, so I left seeds in one half of the Serrano pepper.

3.) Peel and cut your fruit!

4.) Put your designated infusables into their designated sealable jar.

I should have really thought through the whole hole thing. And I'll never make that joke again.

5.) Pour Mrs. Clause's secret ingredient into it.

She just never got over the whole Santa Clause kissing your mom thing. Stop judging.

6) Put it in a dark, cool place to work it’s Christmas magic.

I’m not hiding booze around my apartment. I’m infusing it. — I’m not *hiding* booze around my apartment. I’m infusing it.

Part II - Wrapping.

AKA Making your bottles look nicer than just bottles of homemade booze

1.) Take your labels and cut them into a shape you like. I didn’t show this step because, come on.

2.) Come up with fun names like “Steve-O’s saaauuccyyy sauce” or “Tessa Toots Tantalizing Tonic.” And then stick it on the jar. Easy crafts are my favorite!

3.) Make a little recipe card. And decorate it. And then tie it around the bottle with twine.

Part III - Still Infusing.

AKA I didn’t do this early enough for Crafty Hour so the rest will be “steps for the future.”

1.) Do a taste test.

Just kidding. Don't drink this. This looks terrifying. Maybe it needs more time?

2.) Remove the peppers and fruit. Or don’t. My thought is, it might add some extra flair for the gift opening situation. And you can take them out afterwards. But definitely take out the fruit. That shit looks gross as hell.

3.) To strain or not to strain. I’ve read a few different recipes and the stance on straining tends to differ. So, if you want to put your vodka through a strainer, be my guest. They suggest coffee filters. But, I think I’m going to just let that fruit and pepper pulp just rock it. Not the fruit, though.

4.) Unfortunately, we don’t get to do a Cooking-Show-Time-Jump (I know, they’re my favorite, too) to a finished product. because, like I said, I didn’t’ do this in time for this blog post SORRY. So we’ll have to do with this.

Part IV – Wait, what’s that? Why it’s one more present for you under the tree!

AKA Making Up For it With a Bonus Craft! Bedazzled Baby Shoes to Ensure That Your Niece/Nephew/Sibling/Kid/Grandkid/Random-Baby-You-Know Is The COOLEST Kid On The Playground. IT’S A CHRISTMAS/NON-DENOMIATIONAL MIRACLE.

1-5) Buy a pair of sneakers (might I suggest Target). Buy some jewels (might I suggest Hobby Lobby or Michaels). Glue on the jewels (might I suggest the toes and stars). Let it dry. Feel like the best aunt ever.

No joke, I found these exact things in a boutique for $78. For all my sister knows, I bought them for that price. But I didn’t! And they’re way cooler. Christmas!

Part V – How we get through the Holidays

AKA Drinky Drinky Time!

Holy Christmas Morning:

1 1/2 oz Coffee Liqueur

1 oz. Your Fabulous Home-made Pepper Vodka

Combine the liquids with ice into a shaker. Shake. Strain into a glass. Open presents with "presence."

Mele Kalikimaka:

1 oz. Your Fabulous Home-made Fruit Vodka

Splash Tripe Sec

Splash Soda water.

Shake with ice and strain into iced glass. Don’t’ talk about the last time you got “leid”

Well, I have a rule that once the suggestion for making a Christmas dinner even more awkward enters a blog, it’s time to wrap it up. I hope you enjoyed this week’s Crafty Hour and that it brings you hours of friendship happiness.