Turns out, I don’t really have any strange back story to this craft, nor do I feel like making one up so, let’s just jump into it, shall we?

Mostly I don't want to admit how many Onion newspapers I saved up over the years. NEWSPAPERS. Remember those? Cool. Let's drink, cut out cardboard shapes and fill them with Onion articles! Cuz why not?

What you’ll need for Cardboard Shape Wall Art Things:

Scissors

Years of Onion articles (or whatever you hoard)

A big hunk of cardboard

Sharpie

Cardboard cutter

Glue sticks or...glue. Whatever.

Nails, nail hangy thing…or double sided tape

A freakish attention span. Like, people-might-think-you’re-crazy-attention-span.

Friends who don’t think you’re crazy

What you’ll need for Lazy Dark and Stormy Drink

Amber rum

Ginger syrup

Soda water

Black strap rum (no idea)

Disclaimers!

This is a very “personalizable” craft (totally a word). Who said you have to do clouds? I did because I'm terrible at drawing and cutting. But one time I saw someone make a gigantic octopus with obituaries. But I can't find it now so, deal with it. And, like, all of Pinterest uses photos to fill a heart! Aw (barf). For all I care, you could fill a fish with pictures of multicolored vibrators. You do you. Actually, that's not a bad idea.

Secondly, this is more of a “do as I say, not as I do” themed post. Some of my pictures don’t match what I tell you to do. Like, use an actual cardboard cutter instead of a butcher knife.

Cool! Let's do this!

1.) Obtain a large piece of cardboard. Let said large piece of cardboard sit in your tiny apartment until it starts to seriously bother you/get in your way. Thus giving you the motivation to actually do your craft

Seriously, bumping into this in the middle of the night on your way to the bathroom is just great motivation.

2.) Clear away all the furniture in your small apartment to accommodate the doorway blocker.

3.) Decide on a shape and draw them out.

God DAMN those are some sweet cloud drawings.

4.) Now CUT. CUT LIKE NO ONE'S WATCHING.

Also every awkward to do in a small apartment, hence the blurry ass picture.

Part II – Aunt cuts out slightly interesting newspaper article that barely has to do with nephew's major.

AKA Time to cut out your fillers and then fill your shape and there’s a reason I don’t write for The Onion

1.) Decide on a “shape filler” and start hacking those up. Depending on what you do, this could take you A LONG TIME. Mostly because I kept stopping to laugh at things like this.

2.) Cooking show time jump and we’ve got our fillers!

Man, now I know why crazy people spend so much time doing this. It takes FOREVER. Nothing is worth this.

3.) If you want, crumple up the newspaper articles to give the clouds more texture. That’s an awesome idea…if only I hadn’t already done one cloud!

4.) Okay now layout the articles. Or you can glue as you go. I did both, either way it’s going to take you long ass time.

Obviously I put the anus one on there. Come on.

5) Glue glue glue glue glue glue glue.

Glued! I just put this picture up so I could type glue again. It’s a pretty fun word to type. Try it sometime.

6.) Cooking-show-time-jump again and hooray they’re filled!

Another filled cloud! But this one has texture! Ha!

Part III – Woman hangs decorative clouds on bedroom wall despite knowing no one else will see it. Ever.

AKA – Hanging your art and I don’t know why I’m still trying to write headlines like The Onion.

1.) So, there are plenty of ways to hang your art. If you wanted, you could probably fasten a nail hook thing on the back of your cardboard (you know, the ones on the back of frames that you can probably get at Hobby Lobby) and then hang them…on a nail. Or you could take another sip of your drink, realize that you’ve already spent a solid three days on this craft and think “What do I have in my apartment that’s sticky so this will end.”

2.) If you’re using painter’s tape, use small little rolls (why am I telling you how to tape something on the wall?) If you’re using double tape, good for you, that’s easier. If you’re using a nail situation, super high five, you’ve got more stamina than this girl.

3.) Hang them!!!

Part IV – Can't a girl just drink why is everything so hard.

AKA Drinky Drinky Time!

Lazy Dark and Stormy:

2 oz Black Rum (or Dark Rum)

8 oz Ginger beer

1-3). Pour rum over ice, add ginger ale, and stir. Again, garnish as you see classy fit.

Well, I have a rule that once a drink with a lime garnish enters a blog, it’s time to wrap it up (but do I?). I hope you enjoyed this week’s Crafty Hour and it brings you hours of friendship happiness.